Blog people. Blooooog!

"How come not many of my friends use Gmail?", said I, blurting out irony which is sometimes considered obtuse. "Because your friends are laaame.", retorted sister Kye, blatantly. 

Well no, I don't think they're lame...it's just their current state of social-networking(Fb-chats are the in thing newayss). They'll come to their senses in the future..InsyaAllah.

But can't we just pretend that Facebook doesn't exist and everyone has a blog instead?
I mean, in a blog, you can at least voice out your opinions and express your feelings more elaborately rather than just updating ambiguous and nonsensical statuses every time (I'm not sure whether this applies to all, but it does sometimes to me).  Personally at certain points, I don't like people questioning my statuses (Yes, I know I do the same thing to other people's statuses, but the light was shown to me upon this matter and oh do I despise it) and I hate the fact that the "likes" I get measures how I actually appeal to all of my "Facebook Friends"(which are real friends I know in real life btw). Such a down-casting to my self-esteem(though admittedly sometimes, I do get a bunch of likes :p). But in blogs, your comments are more well-thought and is not repulsively instant to a mere pressing of the "enter" button (because FYI Facebook, instant replies should only be for Chatting in chatboxes. You know, the one that you provide as well in your website?) 

Haha I'm actually taking steps to leave the world of Facebook, I thought that I wouldn't because it is by all means a way I can contact my family and friends who do not have gmail. The chatboxes are similar but really, Facebook is just too obnoxious to begin with. Forcing everyone to have a stupid timeline? Mr. Mark Zuckerberg, you do realize the agonizing screams made by us when we found out our walls' OBVIOUSLY UNWANTED transition. Some people just want to watch the whole world burn...

But I guess it's not only that, I just don't have anything to do there anymore. Guilty as charged, I admit I was at certain times addicted but it's just so meaningless it makes me shameful. Everyone I enjoyed having long chats with are either indifferent now or just too too busy. So to the deactivation button I went.

I love my pals, but I'm just too damn bored.
Make a gmail account already! Or better yet, just make a blog!

BLOG BLOG BLOG!

Personality Tests

Assalamualaikum
Well, it's kinda fun learning about your personality.

MBTI: ISFP ("The Artist")
(I've done "extensive research" on this one and gathered so much information that I'm lazy to post anything to describe this personality distinction. I might do it in the future though)

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||| 34% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 54% Type 4 Individualism |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Type 5 Intellectualism |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 6 Security Focus |||||||||||| 46% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 42% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 34% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 42% Your main type is 4 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

More descriptions will be made in the future. I just wanna post this so I don't forget :D

Plu?

You wanna know the whole truth?
I just feel unneeded,
I need you,
But it feels like you don't need me.

Why should you, right?
Everyone else around you has qualities I could never grasp,
Hilarity, Fun, and greater knowledge,
I, on the other hand, am nothing in comparison.
I don't know how to make you laugh or counteract to your humor,
Like some others can.
I don't know how to make you feel impressed or moved by any of my stories,
while others do it effortlessly.
I can't even look into your eyes,
It makes me all shriveled in insecurity about things I just can't provide.

All I ask is to know what I am through your eyes,
Do I mean ANYTHING to you?
You're giving me all the impression that I don't.

I feel as if you take no heed,
And that you prefer not to...

Why would you, right?
I'm just another stranger you'd say hi and leave without any consideration.
I try so hard to not be like that to you,
But I feel like a tortoise who's trying to fly...

Only Allah can make me see the light at the end of this somber tunnel,
Please pray that I could see it faster...

Because I know that you have no more to say to help me.

WOOH! Time to take a chill pill and a hot shower. Afterwards I shall start on my physics assignment!
hmmmm or maybe I'll watch Star Trek instead...

Crystallized.

Yesterday was one of the best moments of my life.

I FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON AN ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!

The feeling was as equivalent to finding your one true love. It was just that sexy...
lol look at me, I'm getting all promiscuous over a musical instrument.

BUT IT CANNOT BE HELPED!
All of that fantasizing of holding an axe finally became a reality.
The only thing that isn't coming true so far is the skills of playing an electric guitar...which is actually the main point of holding it, right?
I'm falling flatly behind on this matter. I really wish I know how to play it =.=;
But this fact really made me appreciate the talent of musicians everywhere. Playing instruments could be one of the hardest art-forms. That's the reason why I don't give much credit to those "musicians" who only dance and sing on stage(Actually paraphrasing this from my brother, Zaki). Not even to Michael Jackson, who is undoubtedly my favorite entertainer. The instrumentalists are the ones who are in charge of the melody and beat. So what's dancing when there are absence of these people?

 Synchronization is another complexity. I find it really hard to sing along while playing the guitar without missing more string plucking than I would by playing it without singing. Yet those performers who play onstage seem effortless in their attempts and moreover, you yourself can feel the unison of their vocals and the beat. More than almost anything, I want to be just like that. To be taken away by the rhythm I make...

But man, does this need practicing! And what's more, I am lacking a guitar that could be available to me 24-7. And it would be incredibly and awesomely perfect if there was a friend who could make me his/her apprentice to master this wonderful art-form. If only I had been more assertive on my first attempt to play the guitar during fourth grade... the skills I have now (though scant) could at least be a bit more developed...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the song I clumsily tried to imitate. It's none other than a Romy Madley Croft classic, The xx's "Crystallized". And I have to admit, it sounded SO much better using an electric guitar instead of  an acoustic one. I love her style, it's just so sweet and simple and awesomely FLY.
But it's still tedious because I really wanted to emulate every nook and cranny of the guitar beat of that song (which BTW uses two guitars and one bass and I had attempted to cover one of the guitars and the bass using only one guitar)
Plus, it's really hard to get used to using a guitar pick...

So unless I get more frequent chances of using the music room in INTI, the solidarity of wanting to play the guitar and knowing how to play the guitar will remain dormant and unmoved. Plus, it may take a few more years for me to own my own guitar...

I'll just continue fantasizing then :p

Artists that would become my inspiration(when you know, learning how to play):

Romy Madley Croft from The XX (and a little bit of that bass-coolness from Oliver Sim)
Arctic Monkeys(The early years..)
Of Montreal
Morning Benders
Keith Murray (We Are Scientists)
The Shins
The Eagles
Bee Gees


and more as I discover...

Guitars I dream of owning:

Epiphone Les Paul (This is bias-based since Romy uses it)

Taylor T5 Classic (Has the best of both worlds: acoustic and electric all in one)

 Surveying for more though.

And here's Crystallized :D

The Amoeba

In all honesty, I don't like to talk about myself.

Though as a paradox, the topic I would most certainly bring out when talking to close friends centers around, well, me.
And I hate that factor, because it seems as if I hadn't anything better to come up with in surging a conversation other than "blah blah I did blah bla me bla blahbla my something, blah." Should I proclaim this as narcissism? But I have no sense of pride in talking about things that concern me. Why you may ask? hahahahah (this is toneless by the way). Well, I can say that I am the most boring human to ever roam in the sea of wonderful and interesting people. So why in the world would I be proud?

Okay, before I plunge my self-esteem from elaborating the latter statements, I think It's best if I stop deprecating myself. Really, there isn't any need for me to exacerbate my conundrums by being a stick in the mud who wont quit complaining and be happy for what she has in gain. So in this post, I'm going to try all my might to succinctly describe what I know about that humanoid amoeba we all know as Noor Afifa.

But gahhhh it's so hard! Is there any wonder why I express my love for hobnobs(ummmmm....hobnobs *guarghhh*drool) instead in the "About Me" section of my blogger profile? Okay...calm down fif, just start this with Bismillah and end it with Alhamdulillah (yes, the Nasyid is playing in my head).

hmmmm haha well since I uttered Basmallah, it would be inept if I don't begin with a courteous Muslim's preach for peace.

So, Assalamualaikum :)

Let's start with my appearance, well I am sadly...very short. My height would be between  4'9" and 5'0".
This makes me sad sometimes, especially when people point it out. But it's okay! I am less likely to fall during an earthquake compared to a taller individual due to my lower center of gravity!

Am I attractive? HAHAHAH well I like to consider myself as such, but it really depends on how you see me and whether my face isn't stretching in odd ways from recreating patterns of emotions outlandishly. (You dare challenge me to a face-off? well, be prepared to make yourself REALLY UGLY if you wanna knock me off of my pedestal of glory!). Well it's really up to you to judge, I got told a lot that I look Indian or something which is partly due to having slight Indian genes inherited from my Atok. But really, I think I look like an aye-aye or a slow loris.

Well, not in this picture...but you'll see, soon :p

What am I like? I'm not really sure how I can answer this...but to make things cherry simple, I'll just sensibly prattle what comes to mind. I can say that I like to listen to people, I mean it doesn't really matter if I find what they talk about interesting or not, I just like to listen intently to what they have to say. I'd be lying if this applies to every moment of my life, but whenever a person has something to say and they meant it for me to hear them out then I'll listen to them with no hesitation and God forbid I ever ignore them. Because I'm generally emotional and I'm almost always hurt when people disregard what I want to talk about; so I don't want people to be hurt from my insensitivity. I guess I'll always be there when my friends needs someone to express themselves to, but I am really of no help if they seek consolation or damn good advices. Speak of emotional, I am the very definition of that word. I don't really cry 24-7 but I am a person who healthily expresses her emotions to scathe everyone I meet (which is really bad because I really don't wish for them to become afflicted by me). But if you want to know my emo-level,  try reading my past blog posts.

Other than that, I am almost purely introverted. Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with people. But just not for too long and especially not with the same person for all times. I like to fly away into my own realm to escape the real world every once in a while...So If you see me looking at you without blinking, it means I'm unconsciously on autopilot in my voyage. I hate to admit it, but it does a have an irksome downside because I get pretty awkward with a lot of people. But if you're one if those fine Gems who captured the very essence of my value to our friendship, you'll bet I'd do whatever I can to make it last.

I'm in love with a lot of things, personalities, art, science and a bit of culture. I like learning about really interesting people and how they interact with, well, everything I guess. So if I ask you loads of questions about yourself, then I'm totally hooked up with your personality ;D

But don't get me started on ART, instead, do whatever you can to stop me because I can just go on and on. The field of art that triggers me primarily is music, not to sound cliche, but it really is a part of my soul. Just hearing the sounds of an acoustic guitar drifts me off into incessant gaiety.
I like knowing stories through the medium of art, whether it be in songs, paintings or poems. I can be emotionally engrossed with lyrics of songs from the 60's till 90's and great, meaningful songs of today.

(ugh really wanna put more, but it's getting too long and I want to work on my assignments..)

Not sure if this would shock you (because some of my friends were) but I'm a Trekkie and an Avatard. I've been an Avatard ever since the show premiered on nickelodeon and I still have goosebumps after watching their episodes (STILL man, and they're shiver-me-timbers kind of goosebumps :o ). I just adore its overall Asian influence and the richness of its culture and art. I'm still a N00B in the Trekkie world though (I'll get right on that! I bet you I'll finish all the next Generation episodes by the end of this year and all the other Star Trek episodes before I fly off to the USA!!) You don't know how much that show means to me. Scientific discovery, it just compels me to the extent that I wish to dedicate my life to Physics and do as much as I can to learn and discover.

You're partly the reason for my blog name. The rest is due to influence by that Shin's song "Australia"

Religion-wise, I am still trying to improve myself. Learning about this beautiful Deen has given me so much reason to live for. Shamefully, I am still engulfed in hedonism. I really wish it weren't so and I really want to learn about Islam! About Rasulullah S.A.W. and how I should surge my love for him and Aisyah R.A. so that I can try to mimic the wonderful ways she cherish Islam and Knowledge. And most importantly, I want to learn about my Lord, my Creator, the ever Forgiving and Merciful, Allah S.W.T....

I hope I never loose the grasp of my faith...


I guess that pretty much covers almost everything there is about me...
Think I should join The Brother's Amoeba? :p

No matter what, though...I still think I'm pretty special :)

Peace and Watermelons! Assalamualaikum...

The Power Of Basmallah.

A friend once told me a little tale about a certain way one man altered his habit of smoking just by saying Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (For those of you who do not know, the common translation is "In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate") each time he takes the first puff.

I am not one who is talented in recalling every single conversation I have with my friends. But this sort of content really makes you ponder and cogitate every once in a while. Trying to deduce this thought isn't a task to be treated lightly. I wish to know how is it that doing something that brings danger to your health, with the intention of it being for Allah, can obliterate that habit entirely. SubhanAllah, the miracles our Lord bestows on us... But I just find it sort of odd, I mean, doing a bad habit, in the name of Allah. How does that make sense? How does that affect us really? How does it provide change?

Deriving from my imagination at the moment of hearing that story, that person might have felt odd and uncomfortable doing something that is considered not permissible in the teachings of our Deen (if I'm not mistaken, since it is something that brings danger to your health) for Allah. The confusion probably had him afflicted, thus causing him to stop. But knowing that the Ayah itself has ethereal depth to its definition, this situation should be ingested otherwise.

Taken from a website, ( source: http://wahiduddin.net/words/bismillah.htm ) the meaning of Bismillahirrahmanirrahim is more thorough and detailed than its common definition, which is how we are able to understand the power of its usage. If I wish to reflect upon myself, I am a rather capricious soul whose utterance of the Ayah in complete sincerity is something of rare conduct. I guess I say it a lot, and I may say it without realizing I did, but when it comes to absorbing it's divine purpose and nature...that is where I fail shamefully. In direct quotation of that webpage "The central idea(of uttering "Bismillah") here is that whatever we do, every step that we take, every breath that we breathe, is done for, because of, and through the essence of, the One who has created us." If only I could realize this, every  time I speak of the Ayah...my thoughts and the way I run my life, would've taken a different and better route. 

So much beauty, so much that we are able to understand more of our Lord by the names of Rahman and Rahim if we scrutinize it and give it more thought. But like so many other things, the implementation of saying the Ayah is taken for granted. I may only speak of this to myself since I do not have the knowledge of the level of appreciation given from everyone else to this Ayah. But for those of you who feels some sort of relation to my predicament, let's try to implement the meaning of the Ayah better. Avert the habit of merely saying it for the sake of saying it. And reflect upon its meaning (for more details, just read the webpage of the link provided above) every time we attempt something. And if that something we wish to conduct could destroy us in terms of health or spirit, try asking yourself, is this something that I wish to do to prove myself to my Lord? My creator?

Let us try. May Allah bestow upon us his light on everything we do. Amin...

Colmar.

I'm blessed to have friends who tell me about cool things they found out. One of them was about a trip to Colmar Tropicale organized by INTI's Sociology and Philosophy Club in which a friend told me he stumbled upon last month. Being a forever victim of deceit by google images, I was entirely hooked up by the prettiness of that place and the can-do attitude that was conveniently absent at the time of attempting sports brusquely appeared for me to agree on going with a "HELL YESSS!"

I was kidding about being the victim of deceit. The place was as pretty as it looked in internet pictures and perhaps even better. Deceit, however, was dawned upon me by my own wishful thoughts and fairy-tale expectations of the place. From the descriptions of several sources I googled on the net, one of them of course Wikipeedia, the place was modeled after a 16th Century french-village of the town Colmar in France(which I think scumbag google mixed their image searches of the real colmar and the re-modeled colmar). So my fallacious expectation of it was a beautiful Village where the morning sun shines on the rooftops and through the windows would be women making home-made jam with help from their daughters and all were adorned in pretty country-life-like gowns. I also imagined the windows of the houses to be entwined with morning glories and real horses would neighh from their carriages PLUS a built in village river where men play accordions in boats. But, as a result of ignoring the keyword "RESORT" and "RE-MODELED"(almost never exact in their replication), reality shattered those dreams after seeing the place with my own eyes. Everything looked like it had been a paint-job, a pretty good one for that matter. Sadly, I didn't feel the country-like, cottage-house-warmth I thought I would. Nevertheless, the trip was wonderful and peaceful...and it was nice that I got to spend it with one of my current favorite people :)

Sorry but you looked too awesome while sleeping that I HAD to post this.

Now to put all ramblings aside, here's the part where I actually tell you how the trip went.


We first went to Batu Caves, it was sooo verry boring. I mean really there's nothing to do there except to gawk on huge Hindu Statues which clearly gave me the creeps most of the time.

The Man-Monkey, one of the two huge Hindu statues there.

The souvenir shop was entertaining, but only for a little while. Due to being indifferent, and mostly, miffed at looking at clothes and other things you sell in shops except for food, I knew I couldn't stay long and instead sat near the pavement with that friend of mine, okay I'm just gonna call him by his blog name, NA-Z where we talked peacefully in light rain about my antics and how I'm going to miss that friend of ours who went to Jordan. And after all of that, I bought a henna design for my right hand. (which is displayed in my icon)

Identical, right? Too bad we got scolded by the shopkeeper for taking pictures. I REGRET NOTHING.

Now here comes the main course of this trip. I present to youuu, Colmar!

Beautiful, ain't it?

I'm kinda tired of typing right now, so I think I'll just put up only the pictures I took and leave captions to describe them :p

First view of Colmar :  "OMG IT'S LAWAAA. lol those lines really looked painted-on."

Too wet, couldn't sit there.

The bridge looked much more impressive up front. And probably better in the night-time.

Photo of a photographer photographing the Resort Sign.

Me: Zawier! Act like a tourist!
Zawier: A whaaat??

Almost empty street and fake horses. Oh look! Pink window doors!

No, it's not a Unisex bathroom where we do our businesses together. There are separate bathrooms behind that door.

So far, this is my proudest shot. I freaking love century-old-looking armor and sword hanging on walls. Put them on and you're a Musketeer!

Camera for eyes.

Think this could make a cute family vacation ad picture, if the family looked a bit more jovial.

LOL from google images, the fountain looked a bit more majestic with the water shooting out more rapidly than the situation given here.

Meal that cost me 50 GRAND. Well, it was pretty tasty, and we had caramel pudding for desert which regretfully I didn't take a picture of.

Black and beautiful.

Not to sound feather-ist but I prefer the black swan more.

Well with the time constraint, we didn't do much there is to actually do in the resort. To name a few, there's horse riding, Rock-climbing, mountain hiking(if I remembered correctly) and unless we spend the night there,which costs a large sum of dough, doing those seem impossible. Oh speak of the cost, the entrance fee for visiting is 12MYR so I guess it was worth it. And we did actually manage to visit the Japanese village (not really a village, more like a park) and it was dreadfully soothing. You can actually rent a kimono there for 20MYR, which I didn't because I might be embarrassed and the price actually covers a good two days of my eating expenditure. The koi fishes were huge there! and DAMMIT I didn't take any pictures of them.

Serene rest in a Japanese hut.

Overall the experience was pleasant. So I guess I'll just end this post with a big fat T H A N K S to NA-Z for informing me about this trip. It shall be a favorite memory :)

But before that, any of you curious of the real Colmar as I am??
If so, here are pictures I found on google:

 

Built in village-river, Check. All we need is an accordion whiz.

Azza.

I'm not really feeling great this week. What with all sorts of inane emotions crashing down like cinderblocks. The usuals, right?

I thought I might post pictures of my trip to Bukit Tinggi's Colmar Tropicale, not that I haven't the time but, they're all in my laptop and we all know how the connection is as equivalent to the speed of a tortoise in the secluded Shakespeare Block thus pestering my attempt to even google search. But I shall do so, maybe in the weekends at home if I still have the mood.



But putting all vexings and obligations aside, I'd like to instead dedicate this post to a friend that had been a genuine sweetheart. And I'm not being sarcastic on this one, she really is. I mean, two blog posts dedicated to me? what else can I do but return the favor (In only one blogpost though, I'm not that nice :p) 

Her name is Azzarina, nice name right? We all call her Azza, which means a Young, female gazelle :D
I wasn't able to find the definition of her birthname though, it seems non-existant ._.

What do I know about her? well, she's unpredictable, honest and HILARIOUS. You just can't expect what she would do or say most of the time. She's really fun to hang out with and I'm almost always entertained from her company :) Her roommate is one of my best friends too, Myzatil Aqmar Hanum, and they're tight as hell. Which makes things more awesome that way :D

I first met her when me, her, Myzatil and another friend named Firzana went to INTI's Chinese Cultural Celebration Event. At first impression, I thought she was the mature and witty type where I might like to be manja with since I am like that with all of my mature and witty-type friends. But as time went on and I got to know her a little better, I kinda realize that her level of maturity was wayyy below mine. HAHAHAHA

I'm jiving about that, but yeah, she isn't as mature as I thought she was. Not saying that it's a bad thing and not saying that she isn't at all. It just makes her more adorable that way hehe.

She's really friendly, wouldn't miss a cheerful Hello from her when we pass by in the hallways. But only after I read her blog did I reallize that she is freaking sweet as well :)

If anyone else would like to know more about her, here's the link to her blog:

http://alinpunazzarina.blogspot.com/

Heeere's Azza

And here's another Azza! :D

Both beautiful and adorable in their own way ;)

Self-Consolation

Lately I've noticed how emotional I have been through my recent posts. I find myself to be a person who can't handle slight changes occurring to my life routine whether it be with friends, family or studies. I mean, clearly I am reluctant to accept it and I end up destroying my soul and happiness. As sister Kye once told me, and emotional teenager is rarely an attractive one.

So I'd like to make this post to list out facets of my life which I think I should value more and cherish;

1. I have a mother who truly loves me and tries to protect me in every way she can to ensure that I would be on the right track on following the teachings of our Deen.

2. My kinship with siblings are great! it may not be perfect, there are awkward moments here and there but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have so much fun with Tasnim and Kayyah had always been there for me for as long as I can remember.

3. My cousins are FREAKING awesome, doesn't matter whether they're form my Mother's side or My Dad's side. Well, Mom's side is more to the kid-ish awesomeness (cause most of them are still young) while Dad's side has all the cool older cousins who were pretty much the BOSSES of lighting up fireworks during Eid Celebration in Kota Baharu :)

4. My aunts and uncles are always looking out for me, I mean, I am their favorite and adorable niece! :D (a lil' narcissism there cause I kinda feel upbeat now)

5. My Grandparents from Mom's side are still alive and healthy and Mok Tok (Grandma from dad's side) is still doing better than most people who had encountered strokes, memory loss and is under high blood pressure. I mean, she still remembers her hafazan from the Quran, how awesome is that? Alhamdulillah. And I know they are always praying for the best of my future.

6. As far as studying goes, I'm not completely obstinate to study and do my best. Of course, laziness comes here and there but my realization of it's importance is still strong. It's a pity how I see kids my age or younger completely neglect books and learning, when sometimes they can actually be the primary source of escapism from the harsh realities of life.

7. From the F to the R to the I E N D S! ( too long to make a cheer I guess. (HEEYYYY that rhymed!)) well, friends have their ups and downs. Sometimes I'm close to them, and other times we become strangers, and then become close once again. It's annoying and I'm still going through that awful phase of having problems with friendship. But I can't say I haven't made really wonderful ones who love me dearly almost as much as I love them :)

Hmmmm I have no more to write. Not saying I don't have more things to be thankful for, but really my will for typing had ceased. So I shall conclude this post with a picture of a snow alien my lil sis Tasnim made when we went to Europe and played with our first snow.


Note: It was supposed to be a snow man.

Water and Oil

As mentioned before, I made two paintings before my departure from INTI during the second semester break. So, here they are:

"Lost"

 

 

Medium: Water-soluble oil paint on Canvas

 I'm not sure on how well I can define the reason for that suggestive title. I guess for one note you can't really expect a hot air balloon in the cold arctic, right? But wouldn't it be beautiful for it to actually happen where you might the one riding the balloon? haha so here is the combination of my two favorite things in one painting. (Which I copied from pictures BTW :p)

"Love Yourself"

Medium: Watercolor on Watercolor Pad

A friend became an inspiration for this after a lengthy conversation. He suggested that I should improve myself in painting by not copying from pictures thus only expressing my emotions artistically(?) on the paper/canvas. And it didn't take me that long to finish, considering that I used watercolor instead of oil paint and paper instead of canvas. I sorta attempted to mimic the Japanese Art Style but yeah I guess I'm still uneducated on the actual way of painting in that style.  Haha I find it amusing how the petals almost look like sea-shells instead of the petals I aimed for. The title is very significant, because it's pretty much dedicated to the cute humor that friend had on me. I copied the kanji-ish text from my old wallet which had random Japanese, Korean or Chinese letters (I'm not really sure whether it's called Kanji..) as the overall design. Why that text in particular? well, I was tricked to believe that that sentence actually had meaning while the rest was Gibberish. That person said it meant "Love Yourself". But due to my gullibility, I actually believed him. So here's a dedication for you Mr. NA-Z.

THEEEND.

GET OUT OF MA FACE!

I hate it when relationships bring out the ugliness in you. It's either you're being fake through your insecurities or furious for no better reason than the fact that the person who you sent an upbeat message with a smiley emot replies it without a smiley emot because you just give THAT much a damn about smileys!

I'd pretty much say this because it happens almost every minute of my life. I feel like I'm faking my way to fitting into society. It's no wonder I spend my time moping about loneliness in my bedroom talking to my webcam just to watch a recorded version of me talking back (yes, I'm that desperate). But I guess that's what the internet is for right? channeling your opinions as an individual because that's probably the ONLY way I could have my raw uncensored INDIVIDUALISM channeled (like this blog right here). Who knows, maybe from all the webcam recordings I'll make a new youtube channel entitled "Lonely psycho girl talks to camera" or whatever and upload them all. At least someone out there might catch a glimpse of the true naked me (I don't mean naked literally, just by personality-wise....moving on) even though that person might be a complete STRANGER (/freak/nerd/pedophile/all those weird people on the internet)

I wish I never cared so much, because I know everyone else doesn't.


Well golly geez SORRY I'm not happy all the time!
Here's a stinkin' aye aye!

There now isn't that cute? it looks just like me except that it's OBVIOUSLY more elated to see you!