A second ode to Tasnim.

You deleted your blog.
WHY? WHY?
You said you were gonna post some stuff.
LIES! LIES!
What did I do after I read your last post?
CRY! CRY!

Nahh I'm just kidding, go on and live your life..
No matter how much you party tonight.

Yesterday's thoughts

#1 Thought - In the car on the way to INTI.

The winding road was nauseating, and the 90s rock music from my brother's MP3 certainly did not help to ease the queasiness. But whatever, he's the driver. My little sister had her scarf folded on the top of her head and refrains from looking at the road. I guess I am not alone in this torment.

Conversations came in swifts. Rants here and there. And a small remembrance was expressed by my little sister. "Saya igt lagi mase dulu Ayoh hantar saya gi skolah. Ayoh pegi kat jalan 3 instead of jalan 4 and ktrong tunggu lame baru ayoh sedar" Translate: I still remember back then when dad sent me to school one time. He went to Jalan 3(most of my siblings went here before) instead of Jalan 4. We already stayed in the car for a while before he realized he sent me to the wrong school. As insignificant as most of the tales that were usually told by my sister, this one triggered me to think a bit more.

My father was someone who was always there when you needed him. I mean, even in things that I thought wasn't necessary to be done, he still performed it for our sake. I always remember the days during primary school where I and my siblings called him every time we missed the bus to pick us up and send us there instead. He won’t ever say he was busy during work or anything, never reluctance. He drove straight from work and sent us without haste. And he was never mad at us for missing the bus, much more it seemed like a pleasure to him.

The time my dad came to my primary school to accompany me getting my UPSR result (The most important test in primary school), was shameful as any dark and sombre memory would be. He couldn't accept the fact I didn't get straight As. In turn, I felt his disappointment as he had shown it well. I used to think he was being a bit hard on me, but seeing when both situations that were mention conjoins, I wasn't being fair to him. Not in the least bit was I fair to him.

#2 Thought - My best friends' predicaments.

I won’t say what they were as personal things should be kept personal. But the thought converges from these types of questions: How is "trust" in friendship? What is there to believe in friendship? How is marriage a beautiful thing? How is a man so sure to propose to someone?

I'm not a psychologist, I don't have the proper acumen to discuss this. But since I am writing about my thoughts from yesterday in this blogpost, I'll just write on what I think and believe in.

This friend of mine stated that trust has its limit: you can put your trust on a friend, but you can never expect too much from them. The ties we have in this dunya are mainly the pleasures we receive, one to name is the pleasure of the human touch. It feels nice to depend on someone to share your problems and secrets with, hanging out and have good fun, and the best thing you can feel from someone else is their love and care for you. But “reality check” time: every single thing in this world will be gone, all that matters is what you would bring for the afterlife. It's wonderful to have friends, to gain trust and meaningful fellowship. What you will benefit is righteous, but only if you treat it with ultimate sincerity, understanding and devoid of all judgment. But when something bad happens to that friendship you have, when your perspective on that special friend changes from what that person had done, who would you think of first: yourself or that person who might be in trouble?  It seems as if all those good times you had came crashing down, and you feel hurt and lied to, you'd never think someone can deceive you from all the times you put your trust and belief in. But please realize, that dilemma did not happen to you. So who is more deserving to feel sorry for, you or that person who goes through it? You may feel hurt, but that person needs guidance. It would be cruel if you hadn't done anything to come to his aid. InsyaAllah you will be rewarded well if you give that effort, but if you don't, it might just haunt you for the rest of your life for something you could have done.

But it really takes a lot away right? your trust, expectations. But at the end of the day, that person is not perfect. You really cannot hope for him/her to live up to your expectations, understanding is what it takes to realize this. All you can do is learn from it, be cautious and only depend on the most perfect, most rightful One who can never ever fail your expectations of Him.

On the thoughts of marriage on the other hand, it is indeed a beautiful thing. As a whole, you will get the purest relationship with the person you love. You can't think of it as something negative. It's dreadfully complicated but it's never a bad thing.

Knowing who the person you want to be with can be a fickle, it NEEDS mutuality and loyalty. I would hold on to this thought that a man who says he wants to propose to someone is indeed not giving much thought on it. But I really don't know this, because for real, I don't know what to believe in men. As far as I see things, you change your mind a lot. Not saying us women do not, but we tend to be more loyal (stating this based on experience people). So really, how do you really KNOW she's the one you want to spend time with for the rest of your life? do you give much thought on it? Do you really? I would think the reason why you changed your mind is because you lack mutuality of feeling with that person. But then why propose in the first place? why not like her and be done with? Because proposing is a HUGE deal that should never be broken when uttered. Yikes, this thought turns out to bring more confusions than conclusions in my head. Oh well, I'm too young to think of these things. I guess I'm not as mature as I thought I was.

VLOGGERS!!

Who doesn't love 'em right?
...Well I guess people who have better things to do with their time ;_;

Nahh they're missing out :)
I mean it's nice to see people sharing their opinions and thoughts all in one nice little box window where people, like me, prefer to have one-sided interactions with other people who they don't know in real life. I mean, there would be no insecurities and your mind is completely relaxed and at ease. Some of them even share useful information and knowledge, be it religious-wise, science-y...just plain good information :D
A definite favorite of mine is a vlogger who does music! Well, this vlogger isn't exactly a vlogger...but hey let's just put the definition of vlogger as people on youtube who I spend waayyy too much watching their videos :D

And of course, Hilarity! ahhh bless these people who brighten up other people's lives...but seriously

It's best if you don't get too addicted like me ;_;

oh well, here are the vloggers who I watch in general:

#1- Charlie Mcdonnell
What I like about him:

• He is DEFO one of the funniest people I've seen on Youtube
• He's cute! If you like all of that stuff..
• He's safe and nice, definitely suitable for any age range to watch his vids
• Very charming, nice sense of humor
• An attractive personality (not just saying this because I'm a girl, I have male friends who like him too)
• British, since I'm usually more Americanized, this was an interesting shift of accent preference.
• He's a nerd-fighter! I love his take on explaining scientific facts and trivias  :)

The first video that got me addicted was this one:

                            


#2- CGP Grey

What I loike:

• Super informative, whatever he says is interesting
• Dry humor, totally awesome sarcastic remarks
• I come to know things that I never cared about before, such as how the political system is in the UK and how UK is not only a country, it's a country of countries...watch his videos if you are as ignorant in these things as I am and wish to know more.

First video ever watched:

3#- Nigahiga

Why you should OBVIOUSLY watch him:

• He's the most famous vlogger on YT, duhh. (kidding, that's not why you should watch him)
• His expressions are crazy funny
• Talks really fast, it's just funny
• He's kinda hot (sorry, I just had to say this)
• Really whatever, he's just the funniest person on YT. End of story!

so click, click, click!

4#- The Fine Brothers

What's to like:

• They're pretty talented brothers, they make videos that seem like tv shows.
• They make videos about teenagers, kids and elderly people and how they react to things like youtube vids, politics and life in general. So if you're like me and you like to know what these people think and laugh at their reactions + know more cool YT videos and vloggers from them, then yeah! it's something worth watching. 
• Another production of theirs is Mymusic, but yeahh I'm not that interested so I wont tell much about that part.

5#-Kevjumba

Why I <3

• He seems so dorky and niiiice
• I like dorky and nice
• His dad is too adorable
• His awkwardness is both hilarious and charming!

lol look at that face!

6#- Jenna Marbles

Why you should totally watch her:

She's so straight to the point, blunt and sarcastic.
Her opinions are too too awesome
She loves to imitate celebrities, with the make up and everything.
What she says is real, no sugar-coating or whatever!
Her dogs are adorable
She talks to her dogs.
She's just awesome. 'Nuff said.

Why you should totally NOT watch her:

Her stuff may contain 18-ness...
She swears for almost every single sentence
If you're just not mature enough and have no self control, do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch her vids.
Save your pure souls people, don't be like me. Astaghfirullah...

Here's a vid that doesn't really contain 18-ness and is hella funny! (plz disregard the swearing)
                                 

And least but not last....

7#-Laurena

Really, I don't know where to start with this amazing girl. I want to dedicate a whole blogpost for her,I might or might not do that later. She is just sooo talented! and her videos are all so peaceful.

There is just no reason for you to not like her...but there is a reasonable reason that you just don't really care though.

Okay happy Yt-ing, will post more in the future though!

Ironic encounter

ONE OF THE PEOPLE FROM MY BABY ALBUMS CAME TO LIFE!

Weeeell it's not that they don't exist in the first place, I just never thought I'd meet them so soon in reality haha :)

It's really odd, I mean, I always had hope that I'm able to meet this pretty girl who held me when I was a few days old. But only because I know(InsyaAllah) that I'm going to study in the states for the next four years.

Back when I was a tiny blob.

But whaddya know? I actually got to meet her at my cousin's wedding!

Us, 18 years later ^0^

It was sooo funny and she was sooo very nice!And of course, still gorgeous. Her name is Rivka Sellers and she just got married last year. I met her husband at the "kenduri" as well, he seems like a swell guy too :D. I chatted with them for a little while, and still felt that things were a bit surreal lol. They both live in Indiana and I really hope I get to visit them one day if I get the chance to visit the ol' place of birth.

Here are more pics of her and her family + me and my family :

My mom, moi, and Mrs. Matanick
My head looks malformed ._.

Her siblings(I think), Me and her, Kayyah and Zaki

Mrs. Matanick :)

And here's a lil' Michael Jackson song that I used to sing in my dad's car which I think also suits this blogpost!

Yeah, totally gonna have this on replay B)

Playlist #1

Yaaaayy the internet near the TSAM Library is kinda faster. But yeah, since I have another obligation to perform after my physics test, of course I'm gonna distract myself with doing something else :D

I had this on my mind a few weeks ago, to create a playlist of some of my favorite songs on 8tracks.
But I'm not gonna say much,  if you wanna know what it's about, listen to it :)

This one's for you. from Lightchaste on 8tracks Radio.

 

Okay, I'm gonna get back to work now =3=

In 5 years time.

I hope I'll get married
In five years time
I hope I'm happier
In five years time
Know my own purpose
In five years time
Have traveled the world
In five years time
Still have my best friends with me
In five years time
Be more consistent
In five years time
Become more pious and studious
In five years time
Own a fountain
In five years time
Just have meaningful fun
In five years time...

Well, this is what happens when you have that Noah the Whale song replaying in your head.
Sorry for the repetitiveness, I'm not a good lyricist hehe...
 

Great Music #1

And I Love You So - Don McLean

And I love you so,
The people ask me how,
How I've lived 'till now,
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand,
How lonely life has been,
But life began again,
The day you took my hand

And yes, I know
How lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night wont set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
That is my belief

And yes I know
how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night wont set me free
But I wont let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived 'till now
I tell them
I don't know

In memory of my Dad.
Thank You so much for letting me know your music, you have the greatest taste in the whole wide world.

HULK IS MAAAAAD!

I'm f*d up.
That's how I feel most of the time now.

I don't know how to handle my life anymore. I lost the touch of maintaining my academics. I'm not confident I'll live up to my old GPA for this semester. I lost direction. I lost my will and strife. I'm not interested in studying anymore!

But then really, that's the only thing I'm good before.
I wish I never let my feelings control me and the way I think in the past.
Because I may not have dropped mandarin for philosophy and I wouldn't have to experience a class taught by a bigoted, close-minded, and obtuse lecturer. Both my test 1 and Midterm were VERY unsatisfactory and really, I don't think I'll get a GPA above 3.5 for this sem if I don't shut down my rational thoughts and opinions during his prattles in class. BUT GAHHH I CAN'T!!!

Why do I have to cope with such absurdity in life???
I'm losing my mind!

Okay that's about philosophy, a subject that I give no genuine interest in the first place.

No heeeere comes Calculus n Physics!! Seriously THESE WERE MY TWO LOVES.
But noooo because I'm so caught up with obsessing over "Why in the world would they hire someone who can't SPEAK right in the first place? Did they just ship her here to save the cost? Gives me HELL MAAN! Do you even care about your student's education anymore?!" (exaggerated, don't mind me cause I'm just really frustrated right now) I let the joy of doing math problems slide by.
And same goes physics! It's basically the same situation but the lecturer isn't half-bad.

I don't want to let this happen. No. I CAN'T afford it! I'm through with facebook! I'm through with being distracted all the time! I'm through with thinking too much! I need ACTION!

AGI IDUP AGI NGELABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!