Wiggly

I can't take this. If I did wrong PLEASE JUST TELL ME. My insides are shaking every moment. I cry almost every day. I know my mistakes, I know the horrible things I've done, but if you have a heart to know how I am you should know better than to give your brash opinions indirectly. You told me if I ever "tak puas hati, cakaplah". Then please practice what you preach and tell me if you have anything against me.

I don't want to spend my last moments in INTI crying over obscurity.
I don't want to criticize your actions, because maybe that is how you are when handling change.
As much as I want to act indifferent and numb, I can't bring myself to not feel whenever a cynical status comes up from you in my news feed.

Don't do this to me, I beg you.

Draining

I'm not gonna make a sulky poem in this post. No sirreeee.
I didn't eat today, I'm not sure why. I had the option, but I didn't want to take it.
I'm continuously feeling overwhelmed over many things.
When I tried to sleep, I could feel my heart trying to escape slumber, and it hurts in a funny way. I could feel the blood in my fingers drained away as I type this here blogpost.

I hate being misunderstood.
But I always make people misunderstand me.

Watching one of my favorite movies is making me depressed.
I'm nauseous. MAKE IT STOP!

Please. I need help.

I am weak
roughly pressed
What is there to seek
When there is nothing left to impress

I love,
Never returned

I remember,
the memories burned

I crawl,
Shunned away

I plead,
Left astray

The houses on hills
The sun reflects
What I would kill
For strife to take effect

Give me strength,
For I am weak

Give me strength,
For I am weak





Please do not push me down,
I am weak.

Continuation of the Get To Know Me Tag

Name: Noor Afifa Mohd Hanafiah
Nicknames: Fifa, Ifa, Lefie, Pipa, Pipaw, Cik Pah, CP, Fif, Popoi, Pipa'ah, Fee. 
Birthday: October 11, 1994
Place of Birth: Indiana
Star Sign: Libra
Occupation: Student

Appearance:
Hair colour: -
Hair length: -
Eye colour: Darke Browne
Best feature: Everything!
Braces: I don't need it, my teeth are okay.
Piercings: My heart
Tattoos: My moustache
Righty of Lefty: Righty

Firsts:
Best friend: My Goodness, how do I answer this?
                  Primary school: None, no one actually liked me.
                  Lower Secondary: I have many good friends, no one specific to be called best friend.
                  Upper Secondary:  Siti Nur Aliah, Org plek
                  Now: Ammar, Zara, Chua, Faiz
              
Award: Best Poster for a no smoking ad. This was back in primary school and mainly because I drew
            figures.
Sport: Basketball

Real Holiday: Hotel Awana Kijal in Terengganu. I loved the pool.
Concert: Never been to a real one yet. But I did go watch a free Block-B showcase.

Favourites
Film: Peter Pan
TV Show: Pushing Daisies
Colour: When water meets oil
Song: VCR by the xx
Restaurant: Domino's hehe
Store: Rockcorner
Book: The Little Prince
Magazine: none
Shoes: none

Currently…
Feeling: Bored
Single or Taken: Single :]
Eating: My own saliva
Listening to: The sound of a fan.
Thinking about: What to type on what I'm thinking about.
Watching: The laptop screen
Wearing:White T-shirt imprinted with signatures from all the Presidents of the United States

Future:
Want Children: Yes
Want to be married: if there is Rizq, yes.
Careers in mind: Scientist, Environmental activist, Park Ranger
Where do you want to live: In Switzerland 

Do you believe in:
God: YES
Miracles: God creates miracles in every moment of time no matter how miniscule, so yes.
Love at first sight: No
Ghosts: Yes
Aliens: YESSSS
Soul Mates: Yes
Heaven: Yes
Hell: Yes
Kissing on the first date?: Change date to marriage, then yes
Yourself: Sometimes, most times no.

Damn you twoo

After the incident of my stumbling across a dating website (I really thought it was just another facebook or friendster or whatever) I kinda find it a lil fun answering questions about myself. Well, I am actually referring to my dating profile of course, and again, I had no clue it was actually a dating profile. But answering the questions were fun and though I have already deleted my twoo account, I still want to have fun answering questions about myself. (God I'm repetitive)

ME IS MY FAVORITE TOPIC!

Now here comes the infamous Get To Know Me Tag questions! (courtesy of tumblr)


1. Are you named after anyone? 
- Nooop. Definitely not.

2. When was the last time you cried?
- Honestly, I can't recall. I'll cry at the most random moment though if I think of anything depressing.
 
4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?
- Maybe not. I'd freak out on our exact similarities.
 
5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
- suuuuuure
 
6. Will you ever bungee-jump? 
- Why not? I rode a death-contraption once in an ungrounded fun-fair due to momentary insanity. That phase is bound to happen again. 
 
7. What’s your favorite cereal? 
- Fitness. All the yummy dried fruit, muesli and oats :Q___

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? 
- I honestly do not notice people that much unless I talk to them  or hear them talking.
 

9. What is your eye colour?  
- Dark shade Asian-brown

10. Scary movie or happy endings? 
- Happy endings than scary movies. I hate horror films, but I'd rather if that movie has a heart-churning, knee-dropping, heartfelt or sad ending than a funny one.
 
11. Favorite smells?  
- The smell of pizza? or just plain fresh air if I got sick of pizza.
 
12. Summer or winter? 
- GAHHHH why do you give me such unfavorable options??!? I guess...summer, since I'm used to hot weather. But I'm in love with Autumn :)
 
13. Computer or television? 
Computer with internet connection wins my heart over every other electronic thingamajig.
 
14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? 
-By consciousness I'm gonna have to say Geneva. But in reality the furthest I've gone to is the United States of America, only I was just 0-3 months old at that time. Oh wait, since I popped on the surface of the earth in the US, shouldn't I say the furthest I've been to is Malaysia?....screw this question. Moving on!
 
15. Do you have any special talents? 
- Pulling off horrendous facial expressions plus laughter is a hidden talent I show only to the ones I trust.
  
16. Where were you born? 
 - INDIAAANAAA BITCHES!

17. What are your hobbies? 
- Listening to music, discovering new songs or songs that existed wayyyyy back then, watching Youtube comedy and impression comedies on Youtube, rant, blog, Tetris, annoying my friends, pulling my hair, fighting with my lil sister, Kicking a cat's stomach (gently).
 
18. have any pets? 
- Had. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
 
19. Favorite movie? 
- I gotta say the best movie I've seen so far is Eternal Sunshine, but I'm gonna have to go with Peter Pan as my fav since I love the magic.

20. Do you have any siblings? 
 - Not just anyyyyy siblings... well I have 4 of em I guess.
 

21. What do you want to be when you grow up?
- A scientist, the one that tests bombarding atoms and the one involved in progressing science-magic (Human teleportation anyone? :o)

Apologies for the awful numbering. To be continuedd!

Skinny minny

WHO WILL LOOVE YOU?
WHO WILL FIGHT
WHO WILL FAAAALLLLLL FAAAR BEHIIIND

Skinny love got to me again. And don't worry, I'm not gonna talk about love and my expectations on love (whether romantic or friendship) in this post. I read my own blogposts too and I find it tiring when I post about the same boring thing.

Okay so where do we begin?

I recently had this idea that I'm gonna pretend I'm some hot shot superstar having an interview session with some celebrity magazine, and post the questions and all of my answers in this lil blog. So yeah I'm going to do just that.

DON'T JUDGE ME.

Interviewer(I): Wow it's such a great honor to welcome you here, you know, the movie "Get Real" had so much anticipation in it, and you did such a good job playing the part of a teenage greaser. Tell us, what had been your inspiration when projecting Willow(the character I play btw) on the screen.

Superstar Me(SM): Thank you so much for having me here, and well, to explain firstly, I grew up in a rather shady part of New Jersey where there a lot of street gangs and they would have gang fights and what not. I mean, I was never involved in any of those, but I had a friend who was a greaser, and she's a girl. She was one of the most treasured friends I had from Junior High School and there has been a lot I have learned from her. Unfortunately she died from HIV three years ago due to her inheriting it from her mother. She had a pretty hard life, and it took time to understand how she is. But as our friendship grew in those days, so did my understanding and love for her. She became a part of me, and that part had been infused in the character I played in the movie.

I: I'm so sorry for your loss, but I guess she herself would have been proud watching your incredible performance and I understand that you are actually nominated for two BAFTAs? and you've just stepped into the acting business! It must be thrilling for you.

SM: It was unbelievable, I mean, I really didn't think such nominations were for me or for this film after knowing other movies like "For Emma" and "Picks on Strings" were nominated as well. Both films were so amazing, it is just an honor to be enlisted among them.

I: And I understand that you are still pursuing your studies in Franklin University? How did you find the balance between acting and studying?

SM: There weren't much collisions going on to be quite honest, the pre-production and filming span of Get Real began right after I graduated with my bachelors degree. Hopefully in three months time I'll be able to get back to Franklin and pursue my masters there as well.

I: Well we hope for the best in your studies, and we wish you the best in the success of this movie.
(Crowd applauding)


********

....
Well I can dream can't I? lol
If you're wondering why I'm doing this, I'm actually trying to channel out the voices going on in my head into words. I want to see how my writing becomes more colloquial in terms of word usage and sentence structure. While it would usually take me a few edits to make a long blogpost, this one had been such a breeze since I wanted to preserve its oral nature, no edits at all. So excuse the bad grammar, I'm still trying to fix my speech. And hopefully the next time I make another fake interview going on in my head, the words and sentence structures might have more OOMPH in it. Till then...

Loud Pipes is the shizzz

It's to no end.

I can understand if something I did was rude or very inconsiderate, but what I don't get is why you're being accusal and appoint my actions with SHALLOWNESS. I know I'm a lot of bad things, fucking rudeness is included, but that disgusting impression you have of me is too much.

I'm glad we only have three months left. Our lack of understanding is uncompromising.

Woosh

I think you can guess what goes through my mind.

lol

 

I should totally go into part-time book designing in the future.

In my head
You tell me things you've never said
And I choose to forget
To take the good and leave the rest

Oh
The illusions get involved
And you don't answer when I call
I would have given you it all

Oh
Out side of the mind
That doesn't mean you're not mine
The feeling goes on and on and on

Unfold - xx

Pain
Jealousy
Pain

I'm alone.