What's on my mind.

Thought my hair would be long enough for me to french-braid it.
Nahhh not gonna happen. *sigh* It's a crime when you have mastered the art of braiding when you had never once done it to yourself.

Well I guess it's one of my everyday thoughts when I look in the mirror and see my poof-ball tresses, it's as if my face couldn't be rounder without the help of a frizzy, afro-like, dry Asian hair. So after my failed attempt to braid ze hair, I decided to make a blogpost.

Wow, it's been like, almost a fortnight that I haven't made a single blogpost. Not much of a shock really, since I activated my facebook account 2-days after I have taken the SAT. *sigh* not much of a record to hold. I'm such a bad heterodox teen -______-

Reasons why I activated it again,...no valid reason. Well I've received signs from people that I need to activate it again for the sake of being in the know regarding club activities, my courses and of course, to counteract some of my friends comments and rants. I would feel sorta left out, because the friends I'm close to now are avid fb-ers and of course I want to be a part of them...in their social-networking life. Because that's how desperate I am to get close to them, to know everything about them, how they're feeling and to know what sort of mark I've left in their life(not just in terms of the cyberworld).

I feel as if I haven't left a significant mark on anyone's life. (insecure-stick-in-the-mud-angsty-teen mode commencing....) I'm just so...plain boring I guess. I rarely say anything that would interest anyone. And almost everything I say aren't well received or ignored by people. It hurts a lot. It happens at home, with friends...and even to the friends I'm really close with. It's just sad. As if my existence doesn't matter to anyone but me.

I feel as if I'm special to no one. And even if I was or am, that title would just last for a moment, cause I know they'll find someone much better than me. In no doubt that's the reason why I feel like I've lost so many people I deem to have special connections with before.

And in no doubt, that's how things are going to happen with the current people I'm close with right now. This wouldn't matter so much if my personality isn't so needy. I need care, I need love, I need the people who I shower my affection and thoughtfulness to return the favor. I can't stand being the puppy on the roadside who is only regarded for its cuteness and readiness to make everyone's life shine brighter when they completely ignore the fact that it deserves morsels of treats for every lick and full-fledged attention it gives to people because he's just really a lost and hungry puppy.

But reading back what I wrote just now, I realize that I'm very SELF-ABSORBED.
I need to turn away from this disorder.
Oh Allah, you are the only one who can hear my cries of loneliness and pain! Please grant me sincerity in my actions and please improve my thoughts to think of you! For I know you are silently responding to whatever I have in mind. You are most-loving, and eternal.

Well I'm gonna go get ready to break my fast now...
Sorry I didn't say Assalamualaikum at the beginning of this post.
I'm gonna practice it from now on.
Assalamualaikum.